My New Chapter Has Begun

So much in the past year has happened, so much in fact, I don't know where to even start.! Not only has it been a interesting year but it also has been very busy. Happiness beyond imagination along with some crazy saddening moments along the way. I never in a million years would think I would be where I am at now in life. After all the trials and tribulations I have over come I honestly thought that maybe that was it. That maybe, that was all I had to look forward to. Oddly enough that was just the beginning. My new chapter has begun.

The beginning of the year 2012 started off amazingly. I was employed by a barber shop that I had been looking forward to working in for quite sometime. I loved my job, I loved where I was and the people I met each and everyday. I felt as if I had a part in their lives, I was a way for these people to vent without judgement. I had more than just one purpose, being a barber/stylist, I was a friend to them. Not too long after being at this establishment I had to leave, or be let go. I never really understood why, and still don't understand why actually, but I guess it wasn't where I was to be in my career. The hardest part was leaving and not having a backup job right away, especially in my career field. I never saw myself working in a "salon". I leaned more towards barbering once I graduated cosmetology school anyways. So, with that being said I went back to my old job from years ago, Subway. Of course it wasn't where I wanted to be, but at the time, but any job was better than NO job.

During all of the mess of jobs, I also re-kindled a past relationship from the previous year. At the time I thought and felt as if everything would be great and work for the best. Sadly, I was blinded from what I "wanted" and what really "was". Slowly as time pasted, things in the relationship as well as with my friends and family, began to crumble. I fell into a sadness and began to distance myself from the world. I lost myself, I let myself drop and become less than a priority and more of a option of importance. Something I should have never let happen. 

Three months back into this relationship I became pregnant. I can not lie, I was scared shitless of what was to happen. Not only was I anxious and afraid of what was to happen with myself, I was worried of what would be said by those around me. When I say "those around me" I mainly direct that towards my mother and the father of the new life inside of me. I had no clue what to expect once I told either one of them. First I told my mother. Telling her was tougher than I could have imagined. She was out of town and took the news pretty hard. Her baby was now going to have a baby. I still can't imagine how she felt or what thoughts were running through her head. I honestly don't think I want to know either. It hurt me to tell her, and it hurt that she wasn't there. She didn't speak to me for three days after I told her. I suppose she needed time to adjust and be the smallest bit okay to actually speak with me. It took sometime for her and I to be on a level ground about it all. It still has it's moments even now between us. Next I had to tell my boyfriend and the father of my baby. This, was the worst. He was so against the actuality of me being pregnant, pregnant with his child at that.. He told me to not tell anyone, he wanted me to hide it until I begun to show come months down the road. It was like everything I thought our relationship was about was really just a good lie the whole time. 

One thing I have been familiar with my entire life is heart break and sadness. Not knowing what was to come   next, I was soon to realize change was in my immediate future. I stayed in the relationship for the first ten or so weeks of my pregnancy, until enough became enough. I couldn't stand the stress, sadness, anger and all around pain anymore. I tried to stay and push my feelings aside but that, that right there, is where I made my mistake. Staying around thinking that it was the only option I had, but it wasn't. Leaving the father of my unborn baby was one of the hardest things I ever had to push myself to do. I did love him, I wanted us to work and for our family to be together, but I had to do what was best for me and my baby. I had to leave him. I became depressed and sick from all the problems we then had. The last thing I wanted was to lose my baby, my blessing. 

He chose to not be around during my entire pregnancy. I needed him too. Actually started to be more disrespectful and then began to deny being the father of my child. I never thought I could be so enraged with someone the way I was during all of this. He changed and wasn't the person I then knew, but then again neither was I. I think the worst part was him just not showing any care of the baby, a innocent child that had no choice of being. I really expected him to be excited and be involved. I had a rough time accepting everything. Especially with having to go to appointments alone and to find out she had a issue with her heart was so hard to deal with alone. I needed his support and care, which I never got sadly. I made it through though, without him. Not soon after I left him, he got in a new relationship. Now that pissed me off. How could he just move on that way.? Why would he walk around as if  it was no issue.? He had a baby on the way, in which he KNEW was his, and chose to now live a separate life built upon lies. Somethings are better left unknown I guess. 

Now that all the months have passed, and the new year of 2013 is here, my beautiful daughter is born. I never knew how much I could love something, someone. Honestly I guess I never truly knew what "love" was until now. She's my world. I wake up everyday to her beautiful face and fall asleep to her laying on my chest just about every night. Heart beat to heart beat, souls connected. I'm in love, in love with my daughter. I still am so amazed that I created a human being. All the stress and pain was worth it. Pregnancy is no joke that's for sure, and neither is labor. Looking back at the year of 2012 I do see things I wish I could have changed. With that being said I also am glad that most of those unfortunate events happened. It made me stronger, brighter, wiser and more aware of the reality of life. I can honestly and truly say I have been blessed. Set aside the roller coaster ride, also known as "life", I now can keep pushing forward with so many reason on to why. My new chapter has begun.

2hrs Sleep+Errands+Jog= No Bueno.!

Running on only two hours of sleep never is good. But what would say to having to run errands on those two hours of sleep, then decide to take a little jog.? I must be insane because this is what I did and it's so not a pleasant feeling. LOL.

Not so sure what came over me to actually get out of bed and start my day but somehow, I DID.!

Now let me remind you, I did not eat before I left the house, oh no. I only had one sip of orange juice and two gulps of water and off I went.

7:43am- I walked to my car with dog in hand the only thing I was thinking to myself was " Oh Lord, don't let me fall asleep at the wheel, I have to make it to BJ's appointment ontime". LOL.!

Thankfully I made it safe and nearly fell into a daze of pure unconsciousness for a second or two as my girl was getting checked.

8:07am- After spending 60$+ on a office call and two medicines, I was then somewhat awake by this time, I got in my car yet again for the ride home and to finally get to lay back down to sleep. Or so I thought.

8:15am- Now safe and sound at home I decided "Eh, might as well check my e-mails and websites before I lay down to sleep till noon". Ah yes, the wonderful ways of putting sleep huh.?

So by this time I am more awake then ever somehow. Then out of no where I say "I think I am going to go for a jog, might end badly, but hey let's do it.!".

Now before I go any further let me just say I had a few drinks of water before this jog, so I wasn't completely dehydrated. As I started this jog I was feeling good, breathing great and at a steady pace. But out of no where, BAM.!, I got hit with the craziest pressure and weight I have experienced for the longest time.

By this point I started to walk. Oh let me add that I only made it a block and a HALF by slowly jogging when this hit. LOL.

The moral of this post is that if you do not keep up with your bodies fitness you will slowly become out of shape. It doesn't matter if you are stick skinny or slightly overweight, you body adapts to your lifestyle of sitting and not exercising.

I use to run everyday, do yoga and palates. Now at the age of 18, I go none of these. I sit and do nothing sadly LOL. So today is the start of my summer workout.

At least twice a week I am going to start jogging at least for 10 minutes or so to help speed up my endurance and all of that good stuff. I honestly never realized how poor of shape my body was in until this spur of the moment jog.

Now giving myself the benefit of the doubt, I was only running on two hours of sleep, empty stomach and did not stretch or drink enough water. But still come on.! LOL. No but in all seriousness, that is the wrong way to go about exercise. To starve yourself or to not give your body the correct nutrition as well can cause you to become tired and sluggish.

I'm no Dr. Phil or health expert, but I know the proper ways to go about exercise and how to keep your body in shape and to help boost your mind and health at the same time.

So, there ya go. My little two hour of sleep adventure done wrong LOL. Hopefully by the next time I decide to jog, walk or whatever else I can come up with I will be able to make sure my body has the proper care FIRST above all.

So I want to know what YOUR exercise plan is. If you don't have one, what would you like it to be.? How do you take care of your body.? Does the food and drinks your consume effect your exercise plan or health, and what have/could you do to help get your life on track to take care of your body and mind.?

Let me know in the comments.!!!

xoxo-

Brittany

BrittanyLee M. I. A.!

I feel as if I have neglected to post and make videos for everyone. This is probably because I have.

These past couple months have been nothing but challenges for me to conquer, but yet I feel as if I have been pushed too far over my limit.

This is going to just be a update of what has been going on with me. So If you would like to know. . keep reading.

School has been crazy lately. Trying to make up credits from past mistakes in order to graduate on time is very difficult. I never thought I would feel the way I do, by being worried 24/7 with how I am suppose to get things done.

Growing up sucks.!

Secondly, I have been trying to work a little more (At Subway). Money I have come to realize IS a huge factor in life. I never have been the type of girl to spend money any way, but by growing up and what not I now know some of the stress that our parents have to deal with everyday. Without money, a job, or education you really have no way to survive.

Growing up is more then what I had thought it would be.

And now lastly, I have became a adult. I always have been mature and I grew up quick by how I was raised but this, this right here, is somethings so extreme I would have never though that I would be where I am at right now.

In some kind of way I just lived my life thinking I had it so bad by getting yelled at for not cleaning or getting grounded and not being able to leave the house.

Now, I would take all of that back in a heart beat. I wish I had "someone" to be here with me everyday to take care of me and make sure I was alright. It feels now that I am all alone and that I have to now get use to being alone, and having no one.? I do not mean to sound so sad and I do not want anyone to feel bad for me because its not THAT bad. I just have a problem.

Being alone is never fun.

As time goes by I know I will be perfectly fine with change. The transition of becoming a adult is one of the biggest challenges ANY one can go through. I give props to anyone who had to grow up quick and having no choice but to get their life together.

It's not easy to grow up. . . But it IS possible.

xoxo

-Brittanylee

Lost In A World of Disaster

Hello All.!!

It's been about 5 months or so since I have posted and I know it's wrong of me to slack off on my duties but things have been SUPER crazy right now in my life.

I have so many responsibilities

Oooh Scary.!!!

BOO.! Scared ya huh.? =P

Hello all.! Well first let me say I hope everyone is well and having a awesome October. I know in my last post I was just so into myself, but ummm that's the point of a Blog right.? Haha, but no really I love to involve my readers so my apologies to you all. =]

Alright well as you may know if you have been reading my entries I have been having a real hard time with life, just little things blowing into one big one. BUT last night being October 2/3 2009 I believe truly turned things around. I can only hope .=P Oh and the reason why I put 2/3 is because it went until 2:30am so it was a little bit of October 3rd as well. OK OK OK now lets get to my point. I love to ramble obviously and well that's only because I am in the GREATEST mood right now.

OK, so I have never been to a haunted house before, well wait I have once like a million years ago but I cant even remember it so whatever. Last night I was dying to find something to do. I don't get out much anymore so yeah. I called up one of my friends and asked to see what she had planned for the night. I was just going to go hang out at her house but she said that her and another friend were going to a haunted house, and before I replied to the text it said " You should come with us if you like". =] I was SOOOOO happy. I suppose that's what true best friends are when they invite you even when they already made plans. I love my best friend she is just so amazing. Any who so I drove us all the way to the haunted place called "The Fields of Screams". Oooooh creepy hahah. Let me add it was FREEZING outside.! I couldn't feel my toes, my hands or my face, it was insane. LOL. So yeah, we were waiting in line for a hour in a half you guys, A HOUR IN A HALF IN THE FREEZING AIR.!! Ahhhhhhhh.!!! It sucked and on top of that I was nervous on going in cause well it was my first time. Oh and on top of all of that one of the most embarrassing things happened to me. I had to use the bathroom cause I was so cold and well they only had port-a-pottys and just ugh nasty stuff right.? Long story short with that I told my best friend to stand in front of it like I did for her when she had to use it and guess what. . . she DIDN'T.! So guy opened up the door on me when I was just about to use the potty.!! Ugh I was so mad and like "Oh my gosh, are you serious. . . holy crap".!! Wow so yeah I was so mad at her for not standing in front of the door but its whatever now, things happen. LOL. I just laugh about it now cause now that I look back it is kinda funny.

After all of the standing and burning my tongue on watered down hot chocolate and then getting walked in on by some dude, hahah we FINALLY got pulled to the front. Omgosh I was like dude I don't want to go. Hahah.!! But all in all I am glad I went. It was kinda scary really. But hey I made it right.? So all is good. I am a trooper LOL but really I cant wait to go to another one now. It was actually fun.! Minus all of the speed bumps and what not I had the most fun I have had in like months. It made my day, and now I am in the best mood ever. So yupp. My first experience with a haunted house was a SUCCESS.!! Woooohooo.!!!

Alright bloggers I need to head out. I have work in like 2 hours and I still need to get ready then take my mom to the other side of town. Tonight is going to be busy because I have to babysit after I get out of work. Wish me luck.!!

The feedback of the day:

Let me know how your first encounter of a haunted house was. Where you scared, did you laugh or cry.? Who were you with and how long did it take for you to get in.? If you haven't been to one yet, write down if it is one of the things on your to do list. =]

Thanks for reading. More blogs are coming soon so don't miss out.!

Love always =]
xoxo
-*Brittanylee

Drowning In My Own Life

Lately things have NOT been so smooth. Also one reason I have not posted any new entries. My deepest apologies.

I have always known that growing up and what not is not a easy process. But I never imagined things being THIS bad. OK maybe they haven't been like super bad but geeze bad enough for outsiders to notice. Its just I have so much on my plate right now, and I feel as if I am going to just have a break down again. School, work, family and people just so many things I am having to deal with, which some should not even be present. I try so hard to make people happy even when it hurts me in the end. That is just something I always have done, I put others happiness before my own. Also something people choose not to see. It sucks. Aren't you suppose to feel great when you help someone or when you do a damn good job on something.? I thought that too, but reality has it right now, and such a thing does not exist.

I know I said in a previous entry I would get into some very emotion and personal details about my life, but this. . . . this is something that is so deep and hurtful I do not think it should be written just yet.

I will say a few things of the road bumps I have been encountering in the past couple of weeks. Brace yourself. . . . .

I go to a Online school here in Kansas. It is my only way of graduating on time and staying focused. Staying out of trouble and just getting done what I need to is just one of the pros from this program. Now, I have come across a action that I have been dealing with now ever since last school year. I must and I mean MUST have things organized. It has came down to if things with school or anything else is not organized or not done properly I get very irritated and push myself to the point of exhaustion to make sure that the things are correctly completed. Alright that being said I will now say this: I DO NOT HAVE OCD.!! Seriously, I just simply like things to be done and done right the first time. Having things organized helps me know what needs to be completed at certain times etc. So that is the first problem I have been having. . . My schoolwork not being organized, falling into a pattern of putting things off and saying " Oh I will do it later I swear" and then not doing it for another week.

GOOD NEWS: I have no got a planned goal for my classes of having a outline of my assignments and when I should have them completed by the time I go to my class on Wednesdays. ( To take the CST aka the Final, for each course.) YAY.!

Alright the second problem I have been dealing with, my family. Now I love my family more than ANYTHING and I would sacrifice everything I have for them but things have gone way too far with some of my members actions. I have begun to realize that I really have no one but myself now. The things I have been called and the ways I have been treated lately is unacceptable completely. I am only seventeen years of age, I have been raised as a adult since I was ten years of age. Now I am proud of who I am and WHAT I am but if you truly love someone and that someone being your family would you really call them, I don't know names like "Bitch", "Pathetic", "Useless", "Careless", "Not even worth the time", I mean it goes on and on and on you guys. Who says such things about a loved one.? That is not love, that is nothing. I have now told myself you need no one but yourself Brittany. I live at home, and my Mother takes care of me and I appreciate her more than she knows. She is, I believe one, of the ONLY people I know will not turn on me. I can only hope. She might say some mean things but she is only human and she has so much on her plate as well like I. I love my family like I said, but there is only so much one can take, and before you know it you will end up pushing one to the point of destruction. You will then become a "Nobody", I only hope that things will change. The last thing I need is to disown a family member because of abuse that they could have controlled no matter what rage they had inside of them. . . . .

Now lastly is my work. I have had this job now for a month in a half. I make money, I then save money. I have no urge to spend what so ever and my plan is to save EVERY dime I get. Pretty smart huh.? So yeah, this job I will say is alright. It is a lot of work believe it or not making sandwiches. Not only do I make food I work the cash register, I prep food AND I clean the whole store. Not let me back up a bit and tell you this, I only work on Weekends for 6-7 hours, and those hours going into the night to closing. . . all alone. Now I am a small female and I can stand my ground but there are parts of who I am that make me panic and being alone is one out of many of my anxieties let alone being by my self one of those night. Its scary I'm tellin' ya, no joke. So anyways I think my boss has become very short circuited with not only me but the whole crew. For example one of my co-workers was written up 7 times. . . 7 TIMES PEOPLE.!! And for what.? Only for a rag being left out or streaks on the glass and such. How crazy is that.? Hmmm well that is just for one of my co-workers, lets get back to me. This part Wednesday I had my class for school, I get a phone call in the middle of class. Guess who it is.?My boss. I answered it and pretty much she asked if I could come in at 12 to 4pm to work hours for HER.! I let her know I was in class and we don't get out till around 12 or so and that I had to be somewhere before 3pm that day. As I explained that I told her once I got out of class I would call her back and let her know if I could come in or not. Well to get to the main point of this I called this woman 6 times on her cell phone 3 times on the work phone and NO answer what so ever. So I ended up texting her letting her know I could not come in and that I had things I had to do, also apologizing for not being able to. She texted me back a hour later saying this quote : "Thanks a lot you shouldn't have told me ya". . . . Are you freakin' kidding me.! I never said "YA" in the first place. So now I think she dislikes me strongly and well I am starting to look for a better job that I know I will be better in than making sandwiches. Its a mission I tell ya. . Its a mission. . . . .

So there are some of the main things I have been dealing with in my life. I know it is a lot of reading but if you actually stuck threw reading my blog would you please leave a comment. It would mean a lot.

Also the feedback for the day.!!

I would like to know if any one of you have gone threw a situation like one of mine, and how you handled it. If not, what other personal problem have you over come in your life.?

Thanks so much for reading. Loves always.!!

-*BrittanyLee

The Day You Would Never Forget

I just wanted to post something for this day. It really changed my life the day the Twin Towers fell. Being young was hard to understand the true disaster of it all but there were so many people that died because of this selfish act and cruel act that will never be forgotten. I knew some people that were in the Towers, that God that they where on a lower floor and got to escape while they could. As for those who didn't my heart STILL goes out to all of them, their families and friends. It is a hard thing to cope with loosing a loved one, I would know. But now, years have passed and I only now wish that our troops that have been gone for years will be able to return home soon. We have been brought a new beginning and all that we can do is take that chance and make it better than the last. God Bless you all.

Now I have just found info about 9/11 and I don't want to get in trouble for copyright so I will post the link at the bottom. I couldn't wright about it really from my own mind, it is just something that is too heart breaking and sad to write about. So here is what I found on this day.

"The September 11 attacks (9/11) were a series of coordinated suicide attacks by Al-Qaeda upon the United States on September 11, 2001. On that morning, 19 Al-Qaeda terrorists hijacked four commercial passenger jet airliners. The hijackers intentionally crashed two of the airliners into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, killing everyone on board and many others working in the buildings. Both buildings collapsed within two hours, destroying nearby buildings and damaging others. The hijackers crashed a third airliner into the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, just outside of Washington, D.C. The fourth plane crashed into a field near Shanksville in rural Pennsylvania, after some of its passengers and flight crew attempted to retake control of the plane, which the hijackers had redirected toward Washington, D.C. There were no survivors from any of the flights.
In total 2,993 people, including the hijackers, died in the attacks. The overwhelming majority of casualties were civilians, including nationals of over 90 countries. In addition, the death of at least one person from lung disease was ruled by a medical examiner to be a result of exposure to dust from the World Trade Center's collapse. The United States responded to the attacks by launching a "War on Terrorism", invading Afghanistan to depose the Taliban, who had harbored al-Qaeda terrorists, and enacting the USA PATRIOT Act. Many other countries also strengthened their anti-terrorism legislation and expanded law enforcement powers. Some American stock exchanges stayed closed for the rest of the week following the attack, and posted enormous losses upon reopening, especially in the airline and insurance industries. The destruction of billions of dollars worth of office space caused serious damage to the economy of Lower Manhattan. "

"The damage to the Pentagon was cleared and repaired within a year, and the Pentagon Memorial was built on the site. The rebuilding process has started on the World Trade Center site. In 2006 a new office tower was completed on the site of 7 World Trade Center. The 1 World Trade Center is currently under construction at the site and at 1,776 ft (541 m) upon completion in 2011, will become one of the tallest buildings in North America. Three more towers were originally expected to be built between 2007 and 2012 on the site."

For my last and final words on this entry I would again just like to say that my heart goes out to everyone that has been effected by this tragedy . I still do not fully agree on our troops STILL being in Iraq and what not, but I suppose that's just how things go in life. I hope that everyone stays safe and that our loved ones will make it back home safe and sound. One day things will subside and all will be good. That might sound cliche but it is true. Everything will one day be OK and we all will look back and remember what he have lived all this time for. Again God Bless.

xoxo

-Bri

I found this information at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/September_11_attacks (yes it is word by word but honestly I am not calling this my own work so here it is, the link.)